I need to order several cases of Princess Juice. It is all I am going to drink from now on.
Will Winter never be over?
Will the dark days never go?
Must the buttercup and clover
Be always hid under the snow?
Ah, lend me your little ear, love!
Hark! ‘tis a beautiful thing;
The weariest month of the year, love,
Is shortest and nearest to spring.
Adeline Whitney, The Shortest Month
Montgomery County Waste Services sent out an email this morning just to say that their schedule would not be affected by the weather, and they included this poem in the body of the email.
It’s true. Just look at the statistics: last year dragon related deaths accounted for only 0.4% of the total, whilst “falling into the abyss” or “lake of fire” related deaths represented 30% of all fatalities. Keep safe people.
Dwarves have a myriad of OSHA violations
Ever since I did this comic defending millennials, people have been sending me the most ridiculous articles pondering why Kids These Days are so damn lazy and entitled. Man, there are a lot of them. The book discussed above has a cover blurb that makes it even more wonderful: “Even the title can offer hope to millions of parents desperate for it…” Really? Millions alone helped by the title? Think of how many the blurb can lift out of misery.
Check out this shot of the introduction to the book. Most of the things listed as reasons for why your kids are huge old disappointments aren’t even their fault, like a devastated economy, mental illness, and suicidal depression. But hey, let go of that sad sack business, deign to love them anyway—I guess—and Get On With Your Life™!
"Are you disappointed because your child’s frequent struggles with suicidal feelings and mental illness mean you can’t always make everything about you all the time? Well, here’s a solution: fuck ‘em! You maybe kinda halfway tried for almost 20 years, so they’re on their own now. Millennials have problems because of all their internet and iPhones and definitely not because they inherited an economy ruined by a selfish generation or anything you did. You’re great! Retire and have all the things you want in life and don’t worry about how your consumption affects the future. It’s not like having kids meant you signed any kind of contract that you would try to make the world a better place for them or make their lives better."